What next????

I had my meeting at work yesterday. Couldn't write yesterday as my head was and to be honest still is mostly all over the place!! I met up with my union officer P at 1pm and we talked about what we thought would happen in the meeting - both of us believed that the trust wouldn't make a decision there and then and would need time to think of the options of allowing me part time working or redeployment.

I went in and listened to the managements case - making it all out to be viral infections or trivialising all my absences. This is not the reality - the reality was that I only ever took time off work when I was in hospital acutely unwell or just post a hospitalisation for recovery before returning - often before I was well as I was worried about yesterday ever arriving!!

It was then my turn to ask questions! We hadn't really structured questions and had instead a written log of our comments on the management case - most of which did not need a response from management and some than warranted explanation.

It turns out that it is very common knowledge within my department that I was replaced last year, which itself is totally unacceptable. This was denied at the meeting but will come out in the wash when they fail to replace me I suppose - again strengthening my case in any possible tribunal. I have heard E referred to as the new me, so it doesn't take Einstein to work out they didn't intend on having me return to work and the meeting was a formality!

The other major comment was the lack of support they had given not allowing me to reduce my hours and not thinking of alternative employment and refusing the opportunity to work with remploy! This then lead to a side issue to which I have never been involved in, there are huge discussions over the on-call part of my job and all staff have been included in the debate - except me - did they have no intention of including me as they knew I wouldn't be there??? mmm!


Anyway, P and I were told to get a drink whilst they thought over this difficult decision... we went and sat downstairs where my manager asked if I had brought my locker key in with me....! - Yes I kid you not, the meeting it appeared had already reached a decision in my mind at that point! It took a grand total of between 5 and 10 minutes before the HR representative came in to say they had reached a decision. Walking back in that room I knew the response before they said anything. They were not prepared to help in anyway- the NHS sucks!

Anyway - I am to receive 5 weeks pay plus my annual leave pay (roughly 5 weeks also!)That's it! No job no income and a mortgage to pay!, Needless to say I was and still am totally devastated - I feel as though I have no purpose anymore. I also feel angry they didn't do anything to help me keep my job which in my view shows them up as the uncaring ass's they are. (Trying not to swear which believe me is all I wanna do right now!)

I met up with a friend M from work afterwards who informed me that ALL staff in the department got £15 worth of vouchers at Christmas - yes all staff, was I not included in the staff at that point because I got nothing!!! In the entire year last year whilst I was attached to oxygen and IV's I did not so much as receive a scrap of paper wishing me well - had they given up when I originally went into hospital?? I believe they had really - they had no intention of helping!

Anyway - I'm due to go out with a couple of nice peeps from work and the kids so I'm going to have to draw a conclusion to this post..

Next step is to wait for the confirmation letter from HR which I expect was probably already typed and will be here in a day or so - it amazes me how efficient they can be at times!! Then lodge an appeal, if that as i suspect it will do, does in fact fail I have to then do a tribunal case against them. But, and this is a big but - they destroyed my everything yesterday, I felt and still do feel like my world is slowly crumbling around me - all for having miserable asthma!!

Anyways peeps - I will try and post good news soon, till then take care all,
Lv Rattles Xxx

Friday 13th mmmm!!!

Well on reflection the Friday 13th thing was OK for me! Didn't fall into any pot holes etc lol!! The day started well I rang a friend up and arranged to meet and do something in the evening after my CBT session! I spent a few hours on the bus getting to my appointment - something I dont mind doing now I have my pass as it gives me free travel! I was ridiculously early for my appointment so I had a hot chocolate in a cafe close by and was chatting to the owner for an hour or so! I then wandered the short distance to my appointment!!

The appointment itself was horrid! Really hard work and I did end up crying (and belieeeve me - I hate crying in front of anyone!!!) I left feeling like I had had the stuffing knocked out of me and all I really wanted to do was get home have a bath, put my pj's on and then go to bed!! I did cancel on my friend though we will do it another day!

Today, I have to make the effort to clean the house (again another daunting task!) Once that's done its off to town to pick up a few bits and bobs!! My house phone is on the blink so I need a new handset - grrrrr!!! I got some good news yesterday so it wasn't all bad lol - I have been getting taxed for tips for the last 8 years... Tips which working in a laboratory is difficult to receive ;-) (I have been complaining to the tax people for years but they finally listened to me the last time!!) The woman I spoke to asked if I had my P60's from 2000-present (yes somewhere... but where, that's the all important question!!) Truth is I didn't need my P60's for 2005-2006, 2006-2007 and 2007-2008 - they had it on their computer!! Soooooo with a few clicks of her mouse she sorted it out and I got a letter yesterday saying that they were giving me a fair few bob back - happy days!!! It annoys me a bit that they keep reverting back to a tax code which is blatantly not correct given my job and that you have to be hyper vigilant with them as they will given the chance take money off you.... Anyways turns out that its nearly £1500 back to me, which if I am brutally honest couldn't have come at a better time as I am nearly 8 months in arrears on my mortgage and quite frankly feel lucky that I haven't had the bailiffs round already!!!

On a monetary front still I am STILL waiting for my agenda for change to come through and think that I alone must now be the only person in the whole of the NHS still not on the correct pay by now!!! Anyway - they still owe me the back pay from October 2004 to today, soooo when that arrives it will be helpful too!! Though I did hear on the grape vine that the meeting on Tuesday may just be a formality! Apparently my post was given to someone else last February whilst I was off poorly! (To that I just have to add.... HOW RUDE!!) They replaced me even before it was made official I would not be going back, something I still despite everything they have done, want to do!! I couldn't believe it when I was told that my job had been given to someone else! I'm sure legally they have dropped a huge clanger here and that it strengthens any case for tribunal that I had before but, I didn't want it to be like this. I love my job! I just have had a shocking time health wise recently which, the NHS has been less than sympathetic towards! God forbid any of the managers getting poorly and needing a sympathetic boss to go to with their problems - I wonder if the senior management would get treated in the same manor I have!!?

Anyway - good news is that on Monday, I will have been out of hospital 8 whole weeks - yippeeee!! I'm still home its great!! I am just pleased that things seem to be getting back on track again. It was a really rubbish year last year - but thankfully I do seem to be getting a break this year!!

Anyways its freezing in my computer room so I am going to go shower and dress so I can get on with stuff.... Talk soon all.

Lv Rattles Xxx

Babies, joy and deep snow...

Hi all,

I am guilty of neglecting this blog to which I have no excuse really and for that I apologise. I have spent the last week at my parents and have had plenty of time to coo over my beautiful newborn nephew - who is undoubtedly the cutest baby in the world!!

The journey there was hellish to say the least taking nearly 13 hours to complete what is normally a 2.5 hour journey - I was tired out by the time I arrived there!! I did however get my very first cuddle with baby S as soon as I arrived - so it was well worth the effort!! It was difficult tearing myself away yesterday to do the journey back here!

I arrived back in a mear 5 hours - the coach journey was beautiful. We drove over the snake and the hills were all covered in a thick coating of the old white stuff! (something that I didn't really miss whilst at my parents as it was a good few degrees warmer there!!) Considering a few days ago it was so warm outside I went out wearing just a hooded jumper it was a noticeable bump back to reality when I stepped off the coach and needed my hat, scalf and gloves!!!

I got back to my house to find my road almost as I left it with several inches of snow on the ground, though, one of my lovely neighbours had moved the snow from my path making it easier to negotiate my way up the iced over snow!! My snowman is still in the garden - a few inches shorter than he was, but still very much 'alive!'

So, my trip back to the coast was a very reflective one, mainly pondering on what really is keeping me here miles away from almost everyone I care about! I miss my nephew and family already, and though I am somewhat committed to staying here for another 12 months to continue with my sessions with one of my doctors - after that mmmm!!!

I love my job, but really have to face the fact that after Tuesday, I may not be still employed there. Once I have no job there the only real tie I have is my house. My house stands for a lot, its my independence, my achievement against all other odds - I have managed just about to keep a roof of my very own above my head! So I'm confused - to stay or to move that is the all important question!

I managed to see my GP before I went back to my folks to talk through my ridiculous asthma and the recent set backs alongside the fact that despite me feeling that the antidepressants were not doing anything and I felt they were a waste of space, after stopping them in December, I felt that maybe they were helping me after all! This was a huge thing for me to admit, considering that I have only seen this new GP four times and don't know her very well yet and the fact that its hard to admit that your not coping very well with things! I was getting very snappy with my friends and family and was very touchy and easily upset - probably as a result of spending a ridiculous portion of last year in hospital and it coming up to the anniversary of my grandmas death!

The anniversary is today. On reflection, I have been trying to keep busy all day, anything to avoid thinking! I have come a long way since this time last year and for that I should be really proud of myself, but, I'm still not dealing with it too well! I am glad that I have an appointment with Dr R tomorrow - even if it is Friday the 13th lol!!! I feel I have a lot to try and sort out in my own head.

Anyways, I didn't mean for this entry to be so bleak!!! On reflection, I am the proud auntie of a beautiful boy and I miss him already but I have already planned to see him again in a fortnights time! Then I only really have a week or so back at home before I am going to see my good friend from the asthma UK website in Basildon! It will be great to see her as we have spoken a lot on the phone and via the net through various means, it will however be our first meeting face to face!! I am a little excited really and that's good as it gives me something to look forwards to! I did meet another friend cookie on route from my parents yesterday and that was great... Was only a short meeting though, so we will have to meet again when I have longer than 15 mins at the connection!!

Anyway, I am going to get my tea sorted and sort out the massive amount of paperwork that was chucked through my door whilst I was away.... I have been putting it off all day, but it does need sorting!!!

Speak soon
Rattles Xxx

long, long journey...

Well, I set off back up north to blackpool today. I woke up at 7am and saw the horrendous weather - really snowy, it was about knee height. I was worried my journey would be cancelled so I called the company up and they couldn't tell me one way or another - just said there were delays. I hobbled along to the nearest bus stop to my house - just as a bus was arriving - lucky i thought ;-) I got to the local interchange at around 8am ish...

Once there I cued and asked whether my coach was running and if everything was still good to go. I was told my coach would not arrive till 2.30pm. I sat down in the cafe and waited till 11am and then asked again if there were any further delays-yes she said - its been cancelled now. I then tried to get a bus or taxi back home so I could do the journey another day-the buses had stopped running to my area-snow too bad!!

This is where national express really did exceed all my expectations. They bent over backwards to assist me getting back to blackpool. I went to Leeds and waited there an hour, then got to manchester at 3pm -just after the connection coach had left-grrrr. I had a very long wait 3.5 hours at manchester but the staff kept getting me hot drinks and we chatted etc-all in all a long boring journey was quite a social event lol!!!!

The only problem with all the waiting around was that due to the constant swopping from hot area to cold outdoors, my asthma was really starting to flare up. I did have to use my nebuliser quite a lot on the journey-at one point the driver of coach number 2 got quite concerned about me and everytime he stopped at traffic lights he was asking if I was OK. I was-just sounded awful-really wheezy...


All in all it was an exhausting journey but one that was made a hell of a lot less stressful by the fabulous staff of national express-they even carried my luggage for me bless them!!

Im meeting one of the drivers on my return journey in manchester where I have a bit of a wait for connections for a coffee!!

The reason for my travels was to visit my family-my brother and his fiance have just had a little boy and I was desparate to meet my newborn nephew. I got back just in time for some cuddles and bathtime which was really special. I love him loads-and want to stay here forever to do babysitting duties now lol!!

Its been a very long day now so Im off to bed now but will update again after I have spent a bit more time with little S.

sleep well all from a very content
rattles Xx

Snow Day!!

Its been a few days since my last post, its been confirmed that the meeting will indeed take place in mid february so I will find out whether I get to keep my job or not then! I really hope so though I also know that I am still a way off being ready to go back- hey ho!!! wait and see I suppose!

Got a call from one of my Drs today - my session had been cancelled due to the snow - she could get to work but her kids couldnt go to school!!! Not actually sure I could have got there myself though - buses are not (or at least were not) running up the hill to get to my area lol!!! it does look beautiful outside though! So instead of going all the way into the city for my appointment I got an unexpected snow day lol! I am however hoping that my appointment at the Drs isnt cancelled tomorrow... Still have this hideous chest infection which is not at all nice and is making me distinctly grumpy and my lungs equally so!!! Going to call them in a while and see!!

I have not wasted it as such - I tried to get out of my front door - haha, mmm - there was a drift of snow at least a foot deep so initially I gave up!! I phoned my dad up as I have booked to go back home for a few days, My brother and his fiance have just had a little baby boy. S is the most gorgeous baby in the world - but I am biased - Im his aunty!!! I booked the coach to do my 250 mile round trip on saturday and now Im hoping that come thursday all the snow - beautiful as it is, has gone!

Anyways - after a short chat to my dad, I called my cousin. K said that my goddaughter J was jellous of my snow- I was wasting it doing nothing with it, so I foolishly decided to build a snowman, haha!! 4 hours after starting said project im still not finished lol!!

Its more of a snow mound at present and I am actually unsure of how to
a - build the head and
b - get the head to stay on top of the mound at the moment!!

We shall see how it all develops as the day goes on!!

I joined a website online called twitter over the weekend - a friend recommended it to me and I have to say I am now addicted to it - I have been following tweets by phillip schofield and Jonathan ross over the last few days and there have been some rather amusing moments - especially poor Phils troubles attempting to get to work on this morning yesterday hahaha!!!!

Well - I have managed to get out today - in the yard as I said to build my snow mound, it has been very cold and that is never a very good combination with grumpy grumbling lungs! I have managed to stay relatively well though!! averaging 30 mins in the cold at one point - scalf over mouth and hat and gloves on mind! After this I did come inside for a neb and a cup of coffee (oh and to put wet and snowy gloves on the radiator!!!)

I feel like a big kid but I have promised to build the snowman and take a picture of it for J!! She will I am sure be amazed at the amount of snow we have had here - they only got a gentle dusting which lasted moments then melted away!!

Anyway I really am getting no nearer finishing my little project sat nebbing and blogging mmmm!!! But before I go back outside I am going to make sure my gloves are toasty warm and dry - though I am 100% confident they wont stay that way long!!!

Will blog again soon and hopefully will have news on my snowman project lol!!!

Speak soon
Rattles Xxxx