Sleepless nights...

Hi all,

After my marathon sleep yesterday I watched the finale of 'being human' at 9pm - which most definitely left me wanting to watch any potential new series... :-)

Anyways, after watching that and then 'family guy' I let the cat in had some cuddles and tried to go back to sleep, knowing today was going to be a particularly challenging day! I tossed and turned for about 2 hours the finally did get some zzzzz's, only to wake up at about 4am and I really couldn't get back to sleep!

I've spent the morning coughing and wheezing so far, which is not good!! I have had a few nebs which has settled things down and am debating what to eat for breakfast so I can take the all important morning dose of steroids! I have to try and calm the old lungs down before I head out to my remploy meeting later on! Got to be there at 11am but, I have to get a bus and a tram there so it is a fair old trek, its also not very warm out so I will be wrapping myself up in my hat scarf and gloves to go anywhere!

I phoned my GP up today to try and get an appointment... haha - next Tuesday - by then I will either be better or worse and in hospital!! Will see how today goes I think if I am no better I can always phone the good ladies at the community respiratory team - who are always great at helping over the phone or popping in to see how things are going! If that doesn't work I can always pop in to the surgery and ask to see a GP - though it will probably not be my regular GP - so I have options if things are worse later!!!

Soooo, I have a meeting today with remploy. This meeting is to look over my CV and interview technique (as I haven't had to use these skills in well over 4.5 years!!) and to help me write why I left my last job, mmm - that's a difficult one as I didn't leave of my own accord but through my boss being unreasonable and not allowing me to work part time but ho hum!!

I am going to chat about possibly getting some part time work (science based I hope) just to keep my knowledge up and get me back into the swing of things again as I have been off work now for just over a year due to my marathon run of admissions to hospital last year!! I cant physically deal with too many hours but feel I could do 16 a week (at least I think this is a reasonable target to aim for!!) I am not too bothered about loosing my incapacity benefit either if I can get the same level of money from working which I should be able to do if I am not working for the minimum wage!! On my previous job front -it is becoming very clear my boss had replaced me before I had my contract terminated due to the fact they are not advertising my post and have no intention of doing so in the future!! This will I hope come back to bite the evil man on his bum at the tribunal!! They still owe me nearly £6000 in agenda for change back pay and 10 weeks salary at my new rate - which I feel will be like waiting for the world to end as the trust couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery!!!

Anyway, onwards and upwards... There is a fantastic job vacancy at the children's hospital in Manchester, which I would love to go for but it would mean either commuting a long long way, or, relocating... Would also involve me having to work almost full time if not full time, which I don't actually think I can do! I am tempted however to scope out the possibilities of a part time post but will probably discuss this with remploy as they may be able to help me facilitate this. Think its either this or agency work which I could do as much or as little as I choose to do and still maintain my HPC registration which is very important as if I loose that it means doing the competency portfolio again and I don't think I could handle the stress of doing that again, seriously, once was definitely enough!!! Which speaking of which I really do have to find that folder.... mmmm!!!

Ah well peeps, I am going to have to sort myself out eat something then get myself to this interview.

Take care and speak soon
lv Rattles Xxx

What next????

I had my meeting at work yesterday. Couldn't write yesterday as my head was and to be honest still is mostly all over the place!! I met up with my union officer P at 1pm and we talked about what we thought would happen in the meeting - both of us believed that the trust wouldn't make a decision there and then and would need time to think of the options of allowing me part time working or redeployment.

I went in and listened to the managements case - making it all out to be viral infections or trivialising all my absences. This is not the reality - the reality was that I only ever took time off work when I was in hospital acutely unwell or just post a hospitalisation for recovery before returning - often before I was well as I was worried about yesterday ever arriving!!

It was then my turn to ask questions! We hadn't really structured questions and had instead a written log of our comments on the management case - most of which did not need a response from management and some than warranted explanation.

It turns out that it is very common knowledge within my department that I was replaced last year, which itself is totally unacceptable. This was denied at the meeting but will come out in the wash when they fail to replace me I suppose - again strengthening my case in any possible tribunal. I have heard E referred to as the new me, so it doesn't take Einstein to work out they didn't intend on having me return to work and the meeting was a formality!

The other major comment was the lack of support they had given not allowing me to reduce my hours and not thinking of alternative employment and refusing the opportunity to work with remploy! This then lead to a side issue to which I have never been involved in, there are huge discussions over the on-call part of my job and all staff have been included in the debate - except me - did they have no intention of including me as they knew I wouldn't be there??? mmm!


Anyway, P and I were told to get a drink whilst they thought over this difficult decision... we went and sat downstairs where my manager asked if I had brought my locker key in with me....! - Yes I kid you not, the meeting it appeared had already reached a decision in my mind at that point! It took a grand total of between 5 and 10 minutes before the HR representative came in to say they had reached a decision. Walking back in that room I knew the response before they said anything. They were not prepared to help in anyway- the NHS sucks!

Anyway - I am to receive 5 weeks pay plus my annual leave pay (roughly 5 weeks also!)That's it! No job no income and a mortgage to pay!, Needless to say I was and still am totally devastated - I feel as though I have no purpose anymore. I also feel angry they didn't do anything to help me keep my job which in my view shows them up as the uncaring ass's they are. (Trying not to swear which believe me is all I wanna do right now!)

I met up with a friend M from work afterwards who informed me that ALL staff in the department got £15 worth of vouchers at Christmas - yes all staff, was I not included in the staff at that point because I got nothing!!! In the entire year last year whilst I was attached to oxygen and IV's I did not so much as receive a scrap of paper wishing me well - had they given up when I originally went into hospital?? I believe they had really - they had no intention of helping!

Anyway - I'm due to go out with a couple of nice peeps from work and the kids so I'm going to have to draw a conclusion to this post..

Next step is to wait for the confirmation letter from HR which I expect was probably already typed and will be here in a day or so - it amazes me how efficient they can be at times!! Then lodge an appeal, if that as i suspect it will do, does in fact fail I have to then do a tribunal case against them. But, and this is a big but - they destroyed my everything yesterday, I felt and still do feel like my world is slowly crumbling around me - all for having miserable asthma!!

Anyways peeps - I will try and post good news soon, till then take care all,
Lv Rattles Xxx

work - people who dont get it!

For some time now I have been battling to keep my career. This is mainly due to a total lack of understanding by my current employer. My manager is quite continually reminding me of how much of an unreliable person I am as I am a brittle asthmatic and hates the fact I'm often unwell! My asthma is quite often made worse by stressing about the fact I cant have time off which often results in longer absences than if I took a few days off in the beginning of a problem! its all a bit unfair but I think that's the way it is for a lot of brittle asthmatics so I'm just going to have to roll with it I think. I was told today that because they cannot be sure I wont have any further time off that they may well terminate my contract of employment which has really upset me. I love my job and would do anything to keep it, I even asked if they would reduce my hours so that I could return but I think that its just not going to happen now. I am however keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed that when we do have this meeting my trade union rep and myself can sort something out!

I think the difficulty is that people don't understand the actual ins and outs of having brittle asthma or the implications and restrictions that it can often have on your life. I love to live my life go out with friends, have a dance and a drink or go for a long country walk. All things which i can do when I'm well. When I'm poorly however, it takes a lot of effort to do the slightest thing and can at times be very restrictive. I hope that I can get things back on track so that my employer does see that with reduced hours and a stool to sit on I can be back to my old self again at work!

Anyways - health wise, I'm still fighting off another chest infection but, i am doing a lot better, and even better than that Ive managed to stay out of hospital which is fab!! Its the longest Ive managed since this time last year so far as Ive been out since just before Christmas!!

I spent the day doing not much really and feel i need to get myself motivated tomorrow. I did play the piano a bit earlier and have done some much needed paperwork so at least it wasn't a totally wasted day. Ive set myself a few goals the last few days. I want to be able to walk to my local shop (only 0.3 miles) by the end of next week. It is a bit of a challenge as I'm still struggling round the house and up the stairs at the moment but its a target. It gives me something to aim for so that i can get myself back to some level of fitness again. I also want to sort out some bits and pieces in the house which have been annoying me for a while mainly tidying and sorting really, but I also want to finish painting some art work i started for my bedroom, it matches the colour scheme that my room will be when its finished - though Ive not started that properly yet!!! Think i may need to get a decorator in for that though as the paint fumes will make my asthma bad which i do not want at all!!! sooooo there are a few little things to keep me occupied for a while!

hope everyone is well and staying warm - its particularly cold outside at the moment which is never great - until it snows in which case it beautiful!!

bye for now
rattles Xx