First night out in ages!!!

Hi All,

Why is it that when you go out for a drink or two for the first time in a long time (and I really mean a long time) you get grief from the ones you love the most!! (my brother and his fiance - who i love to bits) think I am making up struggling to make them feel like bad parents - this isn't the case at all!!!! I genuinely felt poorly - felt I had had plenty to drink and wanted to go home - instead of us all going together as was the plan I left by myself!!! they now continue to make me feel bad about this- noone ever understands what it is like to live with brittle asthma - not even your closest relatives - I dont know why but I feel more alone surrounded by my family than I do by myself!? why is that???

Im not sure but they made me feel rubbish this evening and I think it will take me a long time to get over this!!

sorry for the rant but this weekend was supposed to be me trying to forget the last few months - its just made it more apparent that i cant be normal and that really really upsets me!!!

hope everyone else is doing ok!!
lotsa lv Rattles Xxxxxx

Reflection of a great week!

Hi all,

I have been to my parents for a few days now I'm on my way back home. The second part of my journey there was a nightmare-we only just missed being involved in a 25 car pileup on the M61!! I met a chap called Damien on the way there-he seemed really nice. The coach got caught up in the traffic as the M61 had all 3 lanes closed, so I got chatting to damien on route! We eventually had to stop near chorley as the coach driver reached his driving limit and had to take a 45mins stop. We stopped near a pub so that was OK!!

Once we arrived in my home town I swopped numbers with damien and we arranged to meet again! The 'date' was ridiculous-he was asleep when I arrived as he and his mate were both plastered. I was not amused-dragged their butts to their hotel and left them to it!! I have had a few calls from him since but have ignored each of them as I didn't appreciate his behaviour on a so called date!

Anyway-aside my bad date and in total contrast I had a fab time at my parents. My nephew is getting bigger and gave me huge smiles :-D loved it!!

My brother, his fiance and I went out for a few drinks on saturday evening too which was great-my mum babysat :-)

Yesterday was my mum's birthday so we all headed off for a meal which was lovely - the little one slept all the way through as he is a little angel! I was so stuffed I did feel a little sick all evening lol! I then spent a few hpurs having cuddles with baby S before heading back to my parents house for sleep....

I'm now on the return leg of my journey - I have quite a wait in manchester again-not leaving here till 6.30pm Zzzzzzzzz!! It could be worse though lol - my friend finishes college at 4pm so is going to meet me afterwards to kill the last couple of hours of time!! The journey so far has been uneventful and not too bad-I dont mind journeys like that :-)

Anyway-Im only home for a day (and that is jammed full of appointments) before I flee again-this time to a friends-its going to be a rather busy busy week!!! lol. Will post again soon.
Take care all.
Lots of lv Rattles Xxxx

Another long journey...

Hi all,

Im on part one of my travels today, didnt sleep too well last night and woke a few times needing to neb but managed to get up on time for the latest epic journey to my parents. It again involves a large wait at manchester coach station - 4 hours this time...

Ive had some food and a coffee and chatted to random national express staff but now I am very, very bored!! I texted a friend earlier to say I could meet up for a few hours but think that she is unfortunatly for me probably in lectures! so the wait continues...

On the whole I'm feeling a bit better than I was first thing which is great, though I am very shaky from the nebs! I'm looking forwards to seeing my gorgeous nephew again and to seeing all my family-its been rather stressful the last few weeks so I'm looking forwards to the break!!

Anyways will post again soon but till then take care all,
Lv Rattles Xxxx

Babies, joy and deep snow...

Hi all,

I am guilty of neglecting this blog to which I have no excuse really and for that I apologise. I have spent the last week at my parents and have had plenty of time to coo over my beautiful newborn nephew - who is undoubtedly the cutest baby in the world!!

The journey there was hellish to say the least taking nearly 13 hours to complete what is normally a 2.5 hour journey - I was tired out by the time I arrived there!! I did however get my very first cuddle with baby S as soon as I arrived - so it was well worth the effort!! It was difficult tearing myself away yesterday to do the journey back here!

I arrived back in a mear 5 hours - the coach journey was beautiful. We drove over the snake and the hills were all covered in a thick coating of the old white stuff! (something that I didn't really miss whilst at my parents as it was a good few degrees warmer there!!) Considering a few days ago it was so warm outside I went out wearing just a hooded jumper it was a noticeable bump back to reality when I stepped off the coach and needed my hat, scalf and gloves!!!

I got back to my house to find my road almost as I left it with several inches of snow on the ground, though, one of my lovely neighbours had moved the snow from my path making it easier to negotiate my way up the iced over snow!! My snowman is still in the garden - a few inches shorter than he was, but still very much 'alive!'

So, my trip back to the coast was a very reflective one, mainly pondering on what really is keeping me here miles away from almost everyone I care about! I miss my nephew and family already, and though I am somewhat committed to staying here for another 12 months to continue with my sessions with one of my doctors - after that mmmm!!!

I love my job, but really have to face the fact that after Tuesday, I may not be still employed there. Once I have no job there the only real tie I have is my house. My house stands for a lot, its my independence, my achievement against all other odds - I have managed just about to keep a roof of my very own above my head! So I'm confused - to stay or to move that is the all important question!

I managed to see my GP before I went back to my folks to talk through my ridiculous asthma and the recent set backs alongside the fact that despite me feeling that the antidepressants were not doing anything and I felt they were a waste of space, after stopping them in December, I felt that maybe they were helping me after all! This was a huge thing for me to admit, considering that I have only seen this new GP four times and don't know her very well yet and the fact that its hard to admit that your not coping very well with things! I was getting very snappy with my friends and family and was very touchy and easily upset - probably as a result of spending a ridiculous portion of last year in hospital and it coming up to the anniversary of my grandmas death!

The anniversary is today. On reflection, I have been trying to keep busy all day, anything to avoid thinking! I have come a long way since this time last year and for that I should be really proud of myself, but, I'm still not dealing with it too well! I am glad that I have an appointment with Dr R tomorrow - even if it is Friday the 13th lol!!! I feel I have a lot to try and sort out in my own head.

Anyways, I didn't mean for this entry to be so bleak!!! On reflection, I am the proud auntie of a beautiful boy and I miss him already but I have already planned to see him again in a fortnights time! Then I only really have a week or so back at home before I am going to see my good friend from the asthma UK website in Basildon! It will be great to see her as we have spoken a lot on the phone and via the net through various means, it will however be our first meeting face to face!! I am a little excited really and that's good as it gives me something to look forwards to! I did meet another friend cookie on route from my parents yesterday and that was great... Was only a short meeting though, so we will have to meet again when I have longer than 15 mins at the connection!!

Anyway, I am going to get my tea sorted and sort out the massive amount of paperwork that was chucked through my door whilst I was away.... I have been putting it off all day, but it does need sorting!!!

Speak soon
Rattles Xxx