Babies, joy and deep snow...

Hi all,

I am guilty of neglecting this blog to which I have no excuse really and for that I apologise. I have spent the last week at my parents and have had plenty of time to coo over my beautiful newborn nephew - who is undoubtedly the cutest baby in the world!!

The journey there was hellish to say the least taking nearly 13 hours to complete what is normally a 2.5 hour journey - I was tired out by the time I arrived there!! I did however get my very first cuddle with baby S as soon as I arrived - so it was well worth the effort!! It was difficult tearing myself away yesterday to do the journey back here!

I arrived back in a mear 5 hours - the coach journey was beautiful. We drove over the snake and the hills were all covered in a thick coating of the old white stuff! (something that I didn't really miss whilst at my parents as it was a good few degrees warmer there!!) Considering a few days ago it was so warm outside I went out wearing just a hooded jumper it was a noticeable bump back to reality when I stepped off the coach and needed my hat, scalf and gloves!!!

I got back to my house to find my road almost as I left it with several inches of snow on the ground, though, one of my lovely neighbours had moved the snow from my path making it easier to negotiate my way up the iced over snow!! My snowman is still in the garden - a few inches shorter than he was, but still very much 'alive!'

So, my trip back to the coast was a very reflective one, mainly pondering on what really is keeping me here miles away from almost everyone I care about! I miss my nephew and family already, and though I am somewhat committed to staying here for another 12 months to continue with my sessions with one of my doctors - after that mmmm!!!

I love my job, but really have to face the fact that after Tuesday, I may not be still employed there. Once I have no job there the only real tie I have is my house. My house stands for a lot, its my independence, my achievement against all other odds - I have managed just about to keep a roof of my very own above my head! So I'm confused - to stay or to move that is the all important question!

I managed to see my GP before I went back to my folks to talk through my ridiculous asthma and the recent set backs alongside the fact that despite me feeling that the antidepressants were not doing anything and I felt they were a waste of space, after stopping them in December, I felt that maybe they were helping me after all! This was a huge thing for me to admit, considering that I have only seen this new GP four times and don't know her very well yet and the fact that its hard to admit that your not coping very well with things! I was getting very snappy with my friends and family and was very touchy and easily upset - probably as a result of spending a ridiculous portion of last year in hospital and it coming up to the anniversary of my grandmas death!

The anniversary is today. On reflection, I have been trying to keep busy all day, anything to avoid thinking! I have come a long way since this time last year and for that I should be really proud of myself, but, I'm still not dealing with it too well! I am glad that I have an appointment with Dr R tomorrow - even if it is Friday the 13th lol!!! I feel I have a lot to try and sort out in my own head.

Anyways, I didn't mean for this entry to be so bleak!!! On reflection, I am the proud auntie of a beautiful boy and I miss him already but I have already planned to see him again in a fortnights time! Then I only really have a week or so back at home before I am going to see my good friend from the asthma UK website in Basildon! It will be great to see her as we have spoken a lot on the phone and via the net through various means, it will however be our first meeting face to face!! I am a little excited really and that's good as it gives me something to look forwards to! I did meet another friend cookie on route from my parents yesterday and that was great... Was only a short meeting though, so we will have to meet again when I have longer than 15 mins at the connection!!

Anyway, I am going to get my tea sorted and sort out the massive amount of paperwork that was chucked through my door whilst I was away.... I have been putting it off all day, but it does need sorting!!!

Speak soon
Rattles Xxx