Home sweet home!!

Hi All,

Well, what can I say - its been a bit of a mad month. I cant quite get my head around how poorly I was at times during this admission and can say that a lot of the time I was very frightened which I don't often feel frightened by my asthma after having had it almost all my whole life. A few times its difficult when there are doctors that don't know you and presume that its not asthma and its just hyperventilation or some other disordered breathing etc - I thankfully don't get that very often. I seen to only get that sort of response when my chest is grumbly on and off for a while - like during this admission. It took a while to get things stabilised and then I was OK for a while, then i was poorly again and the cycle just kept repeating - this frustrates doctors as they don't feel that they are getting anywhere and then they start wanting to do other tests to find out what is happening etc etc - monitoring signs of inflammation and flow loops etc etc - but when everything points towards your asthma being a pain they still seem at a loss! What next ????

Well - whats next is that something has to be proven! I'm just glad (in a way - it sounds strange!) That things got rough again as when they did my oxygen levels on my blood gas were only 6 and my carbon dioxide levels were high! The doctors gave me magnesium and aminophyline (the magnesium is a total red herring in it all as by itself it does nothing except make my heart race and give me hot and cold flashes!!) It took a while to get a bed on the ICU about an hour and a half - once up there i was a lot better and felt like a fraud as the theophyline had started to work - next blood gas was millions of times better showing four times more oxygenation in my blood so theophyline is a really important drug for my control. After this finding it was noted that slight dips in therapeutic level of the theophyline resulted in a total lack of symptom control and another flare up- with bad arterial blood gas results!

I finally have the proof that the theophyline really does help tonnes when I'm poorly which is a great breakthrough!! though i do think that whenever i have admissions that are up and down i am gonna have a few problems with doctors thinking its asthma plus something else - the latest one was a kicker - love it - disordered breathing due to panic..... yes ok!!! Test for ya here, for those non-asthmatics out there - Go out for a jog (round the block or something just till your out of breath and your heart is racing enough for you to be able to feel it a bit in your chest- everyone is different so if your really fit this will take longer i know that so sorry if your a marathon runner lol!!!) OK once you stop running breath in normally but out through a straw to get your breath back. A thick milkshake straw (like those you get with take aways) are like more mild asthma symptoms and thin straws are more like the more severe symptoms. OK, So how long did you manage that before you gave up and got your breath back normally? Could you hack that feeling for long?? Did you panic?? if you could only get your breath back that way, how long would it take you to get to a state of panic - whether it be a little or very frightened??

I think that has illustrated my point. If you dont panic i dont think your normal lol!! It is a very natural response to panic a little bit when you cannot get your breath so i dont think some doctors help when they say that during an attack you have disordered breathing due to panic in an asthma attack - id like to see them struggle for several hours and get no sleep for a few days struggling and see how some of them fair after that - but thats just me and my feelings on some - not all but some judgemental doctors who did make things worse at some parts of this admission by stalling on giving life saving drugs - which on some occassions could have prevented an ICU admission if given quicker!!!

Sorry anyway - i went off on a total tangent there!! I am home since yesterday evening - I got home at about 8pm. My carer came this morning to help me shower dress and sort meds out etc and then left me to rest.

Today has been a quiet day of sleep and rest but i did have to get a few things sorted from my GP and chemist so did those this afternoon.

Im going to go to bed in a little while - I promise to catch up on all my blogs on my reading list and catch up on some posts on here in the next couple of days so expect a few posts in the next few days just to catch you all up on what has been happening!!

I hope your all doing ok. Take care and i hope people are all avoiding catching the curly tail and snouts!! please take care especially those of you who have other health conditions!!

Lotsa lv and speak soon Xxxxx

Friday 13th mmmm!!!

Well on reflection the Friday 13th thing was OK for me! Didn't fall into any pot holes etc lol!! The day started well I rang a friend up and arranged to meet and do something in the evening after my CBT session! I spent a few hours on the bus getting to my appointment - something I dont mind doing now I have my pass as it gives me free travel! I was ridiculously early for my appointment so I had a hot chocolate in a cafe close by and was chatting to the owner for an hour or so! I then wandered the short distance to my appointment!!

The appointment itself was horrid! Really hard work and I did end up crying (and belieeeve me - I hate crying in front of anyone!!!) I left feeling like I had had the stuffing knocked out of me and all I really wanted to do was get home have a bath, put my pj's on and then go to bed!! I did cancel on my friend though we will do it another day!

Today, I have to make the effort to clean the house (again another daunting task!) Once that's done its off to town to pick up a few bits and bobs!! My house phone is on the blink so I need a new handset - grrrrr!!! I got some good news yesterday so it wasn't all bad lol - I have been getting taxed for tips for the last 8 years... Tips which working in a laboratory is difficult to receive ;-) (I have been complaining to the tax people for years but they finally listened to me the last time!!) The woman I spoke to asked if I had my P60's from 2000-present (yes somewhere... but where, that's the all important question!!) Truth is I didn't need my P60's for 2005-2006, 2006-2007 and 2007-2008 - they had it on their computer!! Soooooo with a few clicks of her mouse she sorted it out and I got a letter yesterday saying that they were giving me a fair few bob back - happy days!!! It annoys me a bit that they keep reverting back to a tax code which is blatantly not correct given my job and that you have to be hyper vigilant with them as they will given the chance take money off you.... Anyways turns out that its nearly £1500 back to me, which if I am brutally honest couldn't have come at a better time as I am nearly 8 months in arrears on my mortgage and quite frankly feel lucky that I haven't had the bailiffs round already!!!

On a monetary front still I am STILL waiting for my agenda for change to come through and think that I alone must now be the only person in the whole of the NHS still not on the correct pay by now!!! Anyway - they still owe me the back pay from October 2004 to today, soooo when that arrives it will be helpful too!! Though I did hear on the grape vine that the meeting on Tuesday may just be a formality! Apparently my post was given to someone else last February whilst I was off poorly! (To that I just have to add.... HOW RUDE!!) They replaced me even before it was made official I would not be going back, something I still despite everything they have done, want to do!! I couldn't believe it when I was told that my job had been given to someone else! I'm sure legally they have dropped a huge clanger here and that it strengthens any case for tribunal that I had before but, I didn't want it to be like this. I love my job! I just have had a shocking time health wise recently which, the NHS has been less than sympathetic towards! God forbid any of the managers getting poorly and needing a sympathetic boss to go to with their problems - I wonder if the senior management would get treated in the same manor I have!!?

Anyway - good news is that on Monday, I will have been out of hospital 8 whole weeks - yippeeee!! I'm still home its great!! I am just pleased that things seem to be getting back on track again. It was a really rubbish year last year - but thankfully I do seem to be getting a break this year!!

Anyways its freezing in my computer room so I am going to go shower and dress so I can get on with stuff.... Talk soon all.

Lv Rattles Xxx