Cellulitis and twitchy Doctors!!

Hi All,

I am still in hospital though I am much better than I was I am now just very very frustrated with everything that's been happening - really irritated by my stroppy lungs and also from idiotic comments made by some stupid doctors who haven't even examined me nor looked at my results saying what is or isn't wrong!! Grrrr!! Guess its all part and parcel of BA in general that a large proportion of people = doctors included just don't get it and think of it very much as a blue inhaler illness - take a blue puffer and your fine attitude - its this exact attitude that frustrates and isolates me - i feel i cant fully explain it to people mainly because if i spell it out it impacts on me how serious it can be at times even more and also i feel that the part of those people who think its only a blue inhaler illness are always going to be ignorant to how it can and does impact on most if not all aspects of your day to day life!!


I obviously explained in an earlier post that I had a very severe cellulitis infection in my foot - it was awful - thankfully it has recovered rather nicely whilst i have been in the hospital. Early last week however i was getting a little more wheezy than normal and it coincided with swapping my antibiotics to orals from IV ones (Mainly due to my poor venous access - which is definitely the next thing that seriously needs addressing - sooner rather than later and if not with my normal consultant then with someone else as it is not great struggling for breathe when every doctor around you cant help anyway as they cant get any veins to put needles into!!)

Anyways - it was decided that we would reduce my oxygen from 4 litres as it had been from my admission down to 2 litres and see how i did after a while. The nurses came back after an hour at the new 2 litres - I wasn't feeling great to be honest but i have been worse before so i wasn't overly worried! The doctors did an arterial blood gas and then came straight back - most of you will know if you have an ABG done and the doctor runs straight back and puts you on a non-rebreathe mask at 15 litres your gas was pretty rubbish!! It was rubbish! low oxygen levels and acidotic with high carbon dioxide levels - they called the ICU doctors to review me!

I was on 30 min observations all night and they started me on almost back to back nebulisers and then started an aminophylinne drip and magnesium infusion. By about 4 am my gases were looking a little better and i was feeling a little better too tho the doctors still wanted to keep an eye on me in the ICU - i wanted to stop on the ward so they agreed to let me stay there on very regular observations with the provision that should anything at all change i went up to the ICU. OK!

By the morning I was still feeling rather groggy and a doctor came into see me who was just ridiculous - took an ABG came back and spoke to the ICU doctor who came and told me he felt i was getting a little worn out and suggested i let them try BiPAP on the ICU, I wanted to see if things improved over a bit more time etc as i was feeling better just not masses better! The other doctor then came back in and was blatantly vile - I have spoken to the ICU consultant about him and complained and I am considering complaining to PALS as well as i did not need his attitude and frustrations taken out on me - which is what he did - he ended up leaving late apparently - that wasn't my fault for being unwell - maybe next time i should try and get my stroppy lungs top wait till a reasonable time!! lol!!!

So that was an experience one i would rather never repeat and yet another experience here which makes me distrust the team here! I'm not sure as yet what i would like to do about it - it cant keep going like this with people who don't even examine me making decisions on my treatment protocol and advising over the phone without actually seeing things for themselves - its crazy and dangerous as I am a little concerned that one day they are gonna misread the seriousness of a situation and it could endanger my life or which is equally possible rush into intubating without trying less invasive methods like bipap first just because I have been ventilated before. I'm not sure whether or not to move my care to another hospital which is actually closer to my house and unconnected to the one i currently use or not! If I did this it may cause some conflict in the short term which i hate the thought of as i hate confrontation I'm just loosing my confidence in my consultant and i am fed up of feeling poorly and getting told there is nothing he can do! it gets me down i used to be able to do stuff hold down a full time job and still have plenty of energy and puff to go out in the evenings and study etc - i cant do half of what i used to before now i get too breathless and I've got so much more wheezy than i used to be. Everything is a huge effort and i just don't have the energy i had a few years ago!! I want to do stuff i just cant do it - i also find that whereas a few years ago my best mate Becca only ever commented my lips looked a bit blue when i had a bad chest infection - its happening more and more frequently with things like just walking up or down the stairs - this cant be normal - i cant just sit back and accept that this is it and nothing can be done - there must be something that can be done!!!

I also have the small dilemma as to whether or not i eventually bite the bullet and move back near my parents. If i did that it would automatically mean i would be under the care of some other consultant and solve half my problem but i would be in a town i don't really wanna live in!! I would be closer to my nephew and my whole extended family - even tho my close friends would be further away!!! I don't know what to do! I'm finding myself getting very moody and inpatient with everything and everyone at the moment too I'm terrible!!! I think its just all my frustrations at the situation etc that and the pred being high dose again!! I'm just so flipping snappy i cant help it!!!

Need to try and stay calmer though sometimes as i hate confrontation and me getting cross at everything and anything just breads this negativity and confrontational atmosphere which is soooooo destructive - I hate drugs|!!! they do horrid things as side effects even if they may be helping the asthma a little bit under the surface!!

Mmmmmm - anyways i am so sorry i have been rubbish - there has been so much going on at the moment - i really appreciate your patience thanks all of you. I have had some rubbishy weeks just recently which have knocked my confidence a lot - the last couple of attacks have really scared me a lot and this shocked me - more shocking was the fact that my consultant didn't really see why this freaked me out!! I'm just not sure I can talk to him about how I'm feeling anymore.

I am gonna sign off now i am just listening to some music on my laptop and i think i am going to try and be a little more sociable so may log onto msn and chat to some mates on there for a while!! :) I will hopefully get to escape tomorrow if i can manage without the oxygen tonight etc or early tomorrow at a push! I have been managing for little periods of today without it but not for longer than 20 Min's or so at any one point! this is as i am on just 2 litres i have been taking the oxygen off to have my nebulisers etc its been giving me a break from wearing the mask!!!

I am reading all of my reading list blogs peeps so i promise i will soon start commenting again - I'm getting there its just taking time - getting back to it etc!!

Thank you all for your patience and for reading what must have been the most rambly of all my entries lol!!! for that i can only say - sorry ..... and Thanks your all great!!

Lotsa lv Rattles Xxxx